Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
