she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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