Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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