Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
