my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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