is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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