I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
