i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
