i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
