Im at strip club and am horny
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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