i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
