I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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