Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
