highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
