i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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