Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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