The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize