I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
