i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Two words: nipple clamps
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