I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
