WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
