Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
