Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
