You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
