I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
