Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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