What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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