dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
