do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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