Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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