just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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