you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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