Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
