Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was like eating out sand paper
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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