so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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