Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
