She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
