im drinking this country out of the recession.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I looked at my own cervix.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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