Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
