Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
