she looked like the before picture.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sober January is a disaster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
