tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
