It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
