Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
