i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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