is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pants are for mortals
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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