did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
