Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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