you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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