Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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