She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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