the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
