Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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