This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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