I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
