Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
