Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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