I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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