I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
