Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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