Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
