A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
