Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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