Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
