guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
