Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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