Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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