Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
